Odds 'n Sods

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

Concentration test.

How single-minded are you? See how well you can hold that concentration.

http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf

[aussiexsara]

 

[mike w 84]

 

[Captain Joe]

yeah i failed that    got it right on the second go by some fluke 

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

 An 85-year-old couple had been married for 60 years. 

They were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day their good health didn't help when they  went on a rare vacation, and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter escorted them inside.  He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.  A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven.  This will be your home now."


The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.  "Why, nothing,"  Peter replied, "Remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window, and right there saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is Heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free, every day...."
         

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw a lavish buffet lunch with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, with free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man.  "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around  and glanced nervously at his  wife.
"Well, where are the low fat, low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.  This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed,  "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...."
"Never again.  All you do here is enjoy yourself."
                                       
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your fucking bran flakes.  We could have been here 10 years ago!"

[Captain Joe]

 

[aussiexsara]

absolutely

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

Time for some oldies, but goodies ….. 




































Er …. WTF??   

[Captain Joe]

do not put petrol in your arse? 

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

I suppose it could be a variation on the Bonfire Night rocket?

Is the diesel nozzle a different diameter? Does size matter?

[aussiexsara]

and here I was thinking that it was dont use the petrol pump as a sex toy

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

Some old thoughts:


   
     
     

    After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
    Sacha Guitry

   
 

    By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
     Socrates.


    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. 
        Anonymous


    The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" 
   
    Dumas



    I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. 

    Sigmund Freud



    'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' 
     
    Anonymous



    'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.   It's called marriage.' 

    Sam Kinison



    'I've had bad luck with both my wives. 

     The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' 
     
    James Holt McGavra


     

    Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 

    1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 

    2. Whenever you're right, shut up. 
     
    Patrick Murra




    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... 
   
    Nash



    You know what I did before I married? 

    Anything I wanted to. 

    Anonymous



    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. 

    Then we met. 
     
    Henny Youngman

     

    A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
     
    Rodney Dangerfield




    First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' 

    Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' 
     
    Anonymous





     


     

[aussiexsara]

 

[The Wrinkly Ninja]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a Blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyWashington"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said:


"They told me it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital".

[aussiexsara]

  :2funny:surprised she could put two words together